A Fresh New Hellboy

Hellboy 2 is playing at the second-run theater near us, and Oliver and I have been trying to go see it for weeks. Last week, Tropical Storm Fay flooded the theater. Not the whole theater, just the part that was showing Hellboy 2. This week, Indiana Jones opened, and the box office line was about a mile long. We didn't even make the attempt to stand in line. It was clear that there was no way we would get to the last showing of Hellboy 2.

I was very disappointed. I have a deep-seated love of themes, and I like to dress thematically, even if it's just for a movie. For Hellboy 2, I was wearing something very similar to this:



With the corset top, Victorian ring, and my beloved Paraphernalia necklace, I was trying to go for a steampunk look to match the aesthetic of the first Hellboy movie. (It had libraries, monsters, Victorian-looking brass armor, and a battle scene with gears that was the most steampunk thing ever.) Even though steampunk is A. a bit too popular and B. for the Young People. Still, I love Victorian-inspired fashions, and it's not like I was wearing goggles.

The best place by far to find steampunk accessories is on Etsy. Etsy sellers have really embraced the whole concept; I think because it's a good way to use up all the parts of broken watches that they've had lying around forever. I like the look of watch parts best when they're in a simple setting, like this necklace from Rivkasmom:

But the best steampunk things are the art pieces:

A fantastic tabletop orrery, or model of a solar system, from The Builder's Studio.

A paper robot from genius paper artist Crankbunny.

A Victorian-style poster, maybe one with a Satanic look in honor of Hellboy, from Madame Talbot's Victorian Lowbrow.

Or I was very, very tempted by this print, which really is from the early 1900s and was made for a French board game.

Any one of those would ease the pain of missing Hellboy 2. Or more specifically, the pain of having to wear an outfit that was completely inappropriate for Tropic Thunder. I tried to explain this to Oliver as we drove to the other, expensive movie theater. "My outfit won't match the movie," I said in a pitiful voice. Oliver looked at me. "I don't see how that matches Hellboy anyway," he said. "You look like someone from the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." This cheered me up completely. Internet, I love Oliver.

Golden Girdles

Internet, I am not pleased with you. The whole reason I started this blog was to STOP buying things, and yet today I bought this:

It's an amazing vintage chain belt from Etsy seller Made by Cara Closet. (Originally I read this as "Made by Cara's Closet," and I was like, that is one talented closet!) This belt manages to be strange, shiny, pretty, AND long enough to fit around my 44" waist, which means that I had no ability to resist it. Internet, I blame you. Not only did you give me direct access to about a hundred vintage chain belts, but you also made me start thinking about shiny belts in the first place.



Because, you know, the whole Hippolyta's girdle thing. I was going to say something here about the girdle and how it isn't a slimming garment at all, but a sort of belt. Ancient Greek women wore it looped around the waist with straps that crossed the chest, like a proto-bra.



Hippolyta had a golden girdle of this sort, and I assume it had magical powers, because it was a gift from the war god Ares. Aphrodite, the goddess of love, also had a magic golden girdle; if you wore it, anyone who saw you was overcome by desire for you. Aphrodite liked to add to this effect by wearing it with nothing but a drapey cloak, as above.



In Roman wall paintings of Venus, she is also wearing a golden girdle with practically nothing else, although hers looks like a body chain. I was NOT tempted to buy a body chain; ugh. I was tempted to look at a different type of golden belt:



This is what I imagine Aphrodite would wear today. Assuming that she liked bright colors as much as I do, and also that someone would be forcing her to put actual clothes on. I love these 70s disco goddess-style belts, and you can find a ton of them on Etsy for $7-25. Most of them are 30-40 inches long, but are intended to fit a wide range of sizes, depending on how far you want the end to hang down. If you are around my size (or smaller), you could pick up this belt with Napoleon coins and lion heads, or this silver 60s belt , or even this non-vintage but very cute gold chain belt with pink quartz beads.

Some of the smaller belts are so wonderful that I was tempted just to buy some large gold chain and modify them myself, like this coin belt:



Or this wonderful belt with a dangling gold chess piece: sexy and nerdy! The perfect combination.



I do have a green goddess dress similar to the one pictured above, but I'll probably wear my new chain belt with a sweater dress like this:



I'm on the hunt for a similar plum-colored sweater dress. There is this one from Torrid, but I don't know whether I can bring myself to wear a dress with a banded bottom. I think it might make me look like a sad, deflated, plum-colored balloon.



So I will probably end up with something like this sweater dress from Target:



Which will be great for the four chilly days we get here in Florida in the winter. Thanks again, Internet.



By the way -- this is this Hippolyta's girdle. It's not golden, but I do believe that it has magical powers.

What Amazons Wear

I think Hippolyta is actually a fairly good fashion inspiration. Not Wonder Woman's mother, but the Hippolyta from Greek mythology, the Amazon who had the magical golden girdle.

Like this Amazon, for instance, who appears to be wearing a cute patterned dress over patterned tights. I would totally wear this, although maybe without the helmet and spear. And I think her outfit is supposed to be made of the hides of wild animals -- I would probably go with something like this instead:


I can't believe how much that dress looks like the one in the vase painting! All the sale Milly dresses at Net-a-Porter look like something an Amazon would wear. Sadly, even if I had $400 to spend on a dress, I couldn't fit into any of those sizes.

But the plus-size website Alight has a lot of cute little patterned dresses on sale, like this one.

Ooh! This one looks like a Greek vase and is only $34.99! Must ... not purchase ... Amazon dress ...

Hello, Internet

Me: Honey, I've decided to write a blog about things.

Oliver: Um, OK ... what things?

Me: Clothes, necklaces, other things I want to buy.

Oliver: Like a shopping list.

Me: Yes, but I won't actually buy anything on the list.

Oliver: So ... like a completely pointless shopping list.

Me: Yes! That I post on the web. What should I call it?

Oliver: It's about fashion, right? So it should reflect your style. Hmm ... The Sexy Librarian.

Me: NO.

Oliver: The Busty Professor. The Buxom --

Me: Oliver! It's not a porn site!

Oliver: Well, you teach mythology; what about something classical? Hippolyta's Girdle.

Me: Ooh, that's kind of cool. But everyone's still going to think it's a porn site.

Oliver: Everyone's going to think it's about foundation garments. Or ... hippos.